saturnoziroh's Xanga

a risky time ahead

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:11:14 GMT

as the new sem begins, new challenges begin. of course literally, there's 205 - risk, 306 - risk analysis&reporting and 307 - derivatives & risk mgm. overloaded by risk? more to come.. but still on the same pg abt academics, together with co law, this muz be one of the, if not worst sem. i can foresee the intensity of workload and readings... and they are all tough modules.

to add on, there's all the networking sessions that are coming up. many of my evenings are gone and im not quite mentally prepared for networking as yet. im afraid... very afraid actually... the there but not quite there feeling.. and its happening all over again. i really wonder where i'd end up 1 yr from today. bank? consultancy? big4? others? no idea.

and to further pressurize myself, i've got sife stuff too. though i havent been really active, but now that im an 'executive' member, i prob shld spend some more effort on it. recruitment is coming and the managing of a club. and of course helping out in the projects

and of course im worrying abt my portfolio... im waiting for a gd time to enter the market but ive yet to have time to fully analyse the recent bullish trends.

to top all these of, i guess i'd juz not tink of any relationship stuff for this period of time. the time is wrong, and the resources are inadequate. ive prob miss the golden period of dating.

looking at the above, im feeling pressured. not too often i felt this way. essentially, time mgm will be v v v v impt. and i shall set aside goals that i hope i'd achieve.

1. min A for 306,307. A- for 208,205. - nov
2. feel a sense of belonging and execute sth for sife - dec
3. figure my career choice and be rdy for applications - oct
4. done with investment research - aug

with such datelines.. im hoping i can do it.

end of summer

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:19:51 GMT

this summer flew by.. in a flash.. as i often say..

perhaps this time ard.. it really did. gd times are nv long enuff.

the ocbc internship was fun. i wld nv haf imagined the amt of activities and friends i'd make in 3mths. however, in terms of technical skills, it was way off my initial expectation of an internship. i know this wld put me in a big disadvantage for graduate opp but... i doubt i cld do much abt it. it'd have been perfect for a year 1 internship though.

my passive mode was tested time and again.. with the twists and turns.. but eventually.. i stayed true to my aims. it might have been a pity but... its a gd time for me to realise my strengths and weaknesses. in the end its still down to whether i wan to wait for a perfect one or make do with wad i haf. looking at my resources available, i knew im no match... till i become stronger and powerful.

and i visited the last surviving kampong in sg... at buangkok. it fell short of my expectations.. cars, public water, garbage bin, telephone. the only reason why its a kampong is due to its surrounding... of trees and animals running ard. other than that, it looks like some pte housing in a jungle?

and tmr marks the start of a new semester... i wonder wads ahead.. networking sessions.. sife proj.. coursework.. new friends? my true wish is to secure a front office job in a bank.

yanzi's concert

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 18:10:13 GMT

this's my 1st time watching a concert and its quite interesting

the stage design was unique and many props were used for entrance and exit.
and probably the best thing is to hear a melody of songs for 3h. at least ive heard of all her songs... though im not a big fan.

im glad i made someone happy todae but my dilemma juz deepens. how? im torn. confused.

the wkend that seemed so packed

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:21:25 GMT

this muz be one of the wkend in many yrs that i felt 'if only i can split myself up'.

so many events and i know i cant possibly go all. decisions are tough but they've to be done. and so i went for the dept chalet @ safra country club.. somwhere at changi. food was great but there wasnt much activity. head off to sentosa for clar's bday.

what was looking like a boring one turned fun with the discovery of 2 other 'outcasts' and jevon's sis who looked really bored. frisbee at the beach at nite? but it's cool to hold a mini beach party.. juz that i was hoping for more action..

the 2nd unofficial intern outing was as expected. many pansehed. and last min too!

in the end there was only 6 of us... tingting, huimin, wei hong, norman, chiang meng and myself.

but it was fun. i tot i picked up vball fast.. perhaps cos i was playing with the pros so the game looks more interesting. the rain was inappropriate but we ended up doing all the rubbish stuff and throwing pple into sea. orientation? haha.

rushed off to meet the tut grp for juncheng's farewell. im glad i made it since now i wont be able to see him off in person. yong tau foo and indian fd. and with some window shopping at mustafa. amusing ourselves with toys.

leg is in terrible state. cant walk early morning and cant go anywhere. parents got a tie da friend to check on my leg and it's getting better now. accordingly, one of my toe bone went out of position but he pushed it back. the muscles however was badly injured.

i rem how i got injured. jumping for the vball, someone landed right on my feet. it hurted but i shrugged off the pain till i became quite bad when i reached home. but things went worse this morning. oh wells.. im hoping i can start walking normally soon

and the vball session actually got me desiring such a lifestyle. is that wad i want? it seems so. i enjoy sports than to shop, com, book or do nth. ive been desiring that.. am i going to change.. i dunno.. time is running short.. and of course tt appears to be the most suitable...

a day with the children society

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 04:22:56 GMT

i must appauld the organisers of this event. to come up with the idea of trasure hunt and learning the singapore history at the same time.

it's a gd break from work. if this happens more often for the perm, it's definitely a plus.

the kids reminds me of the younger times... when we were innocent and enthu abt winning. the name-callings and playing are just part of the fun.

i was with these 2 gals... wei lin & si min? they were quite well behaved but still took the effort to laugh at me and hit me when they cld. but im glad i was able to help them clinch the 1st prize =) they were willing to listen to us on how to present and i believe that was their winning pt.

so there it was... the 2nd time i meet the interns.. and this time we were able to connect more and enjoy ourselves.

elsewhere, things are getting complicated and i'm torned. someone bless me...

internship fun

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:14:49 GMT

from a boring internship.. it suddenly sparked to life.

the captain's ball event was v successful. it was definitely a great way to break ice.. esp for me. though there's still many interns i've not talked to.. at least im starting. now there's even an event upcoming and a fb grp. haha enjoy while the fun endures!

pa

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:32:48 GMT

professional attachment they say it. and they say i have not been allocated to an organization of my choice.

that pretty much sums up my PA experience.

i'm in the wrong place. almost totally. and its not just me. pple fr my old dept, fr my current dept are asking why?
do i have a choice? but i dun wish to repeat my story over and over again.

from brimming to learn as much as possible - to a slacker who cant wait for sch to start again...
whateva i do now.. has no bearings on my future. i may not even put it in my resume. wad did i gain fr this? totally irrelevant. and i cant help much. im sorry.

the only consolation is that i can make full use of my lunch time and aft work. with the rec rm.. and a bunch of fellow clueless interns.. i've managed to find some solace. and enjoy the time we have tog while it lasts.

relieved

Fri, 15 May 2009 08:28:48 GMT

the world is round. and so it goes again.

aft 3wks of agony, i decided to not to take any more risk. and all of it cld have been so simple if i had just not try to be clever and accepted ocbc's offer in mar. no interview no nth. may even get to somewhere better?

but i thought i was in for much more. i cldnt restraint myself to a local bank. and after so many interviews that ive grown to be immune, im back to where i belong.

it's also moral obligations playing a small role. i shld have returned the favor and i decided to now.

afterall, life's a learning journey isnt it? these 3 wks has been hell of a journey

failure

Thu, 07 May 2009 13:47:59 GMT

feeling useless. i cld have turned the situation ard. totally. but i end up screwing myself.

i cld nv break the barrier. im always the second best. what's the point? nobody pity u, nobody notice u

i might as well be a mediocre and slack.

all i wanted.. my dreams.. shattered. is there a cure? im officially depressed. i cant help it. till something better comes along...

2009 has been a terrible year. horrible. can i juz get out?

juz a day, ordinary day

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:16:07 GMT

vanessa carlton's ordinary day is one of my fav and it brings me back memories many yrs back. but more imptly, its lyrics inspire certain form of innate thoughts within

with all the paper and grades chasing, inevitably i'm forced upon to follow the herd. as i take a step back, i wonder why am i doing all these? for the top job? most pple wld believe if i say so. and im forced upon by others opinion that i shape myself to go for top job. now, is that what i really want?

i started with a simple life.. no big dreams whatsoever and i believe while we are still young (pri sch), our thoughts were most pure and true. i nv studied for aim to get particular job. in fact i dun consider myself working really hard

now as i move into sec sch and thereaft, i studied and knew i had to do well to succeed. succeed? what does it equate to? wealth, top job? ive no idea but i knew that's the right thing to do and being relatively more intellectual, there's no harm for me to put in some effort to achieve some respectable results.

however, as i soon realise, the society is embroiled in a paper chase. tchers, parents, govt.. society has shaped the norm. i had to follow the norm. achieve gd results, enter gd sch, get scholarship, get a top job. it seems like the path is carved out alrdy. and to follow this path, there's a certain method to it. i tried to follow but since i wasnt totally convinced into it, as hard as i may try, i nv become the best since my intention to excel was nv geniune.

right now, i realised i've tried much to stay on the path but has only achieved partial success. i realised i study not primary for sake of gd job, though it juz complements it. when faced with why this job, i cant ans. truely, i dun haf the desire. what is my desire?

juz a day, ordinary day, juz trying to get by. i juz want to enjoy life. a reasonable job that can sustain my lifestyle. i dream for a perfect gal who share the same goal as me. i yearn to explore and find meaning in life.

i'm simply too caught up by the societal demands and have followed blindly. i shall try to set my own perspective and do things that will really achieve my dreams. this is difficult. but i'd try. i gotta figure what i'd want to do.. particularly as a career.. to do sth i enjoy.. and i know.. what is the ideal gal im looking for now. clearly, someone who dreams and attempts to jump out of the practicality of life in sg. im dreaming of a faraway land where there's greens and mountains in the distance.. roaming happily and carefreely..

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream...